Posts
Hey everyone! We got some fantastic news last week -- we've been really nervous about it, and we've been talking a whole lot about how it's going to change our lives. We weren't sure that it would actually happen, though. It was supposed to take a lot longer, but we finally found out that we're due for a tax refund this year! Yea!
Oh, and we also learned that we're going to be parents to twins. You know, just the regular...or at least the regular for the Simpson family! TWINS! We can't believe it. The quick details: fraternal twins, boy and girl, born June 30, 2007. We were kind of hoping for a birthday closer to Christmas so we could cop out and only get one set of gifts a year, but I guess that's not happening. We haven't received any pictures yet, and we won't until all of our paperwork is official. Their given names are Marta (her) and Abebe (him -- pronounced a-BAY-bay). However, in all likelihood, we will probably be giving them new first names. Particularly for him, we're thinking that it could be a long childhood of explaining, "No, not A-bee-bee, but Abebe."
This development caught us totally off guard because we didn't even have our paperwork finalized. We weren't aware that it was possible to get a placement without having all the documentation submitted. It all started when Radu, our agency director in Oregon, sent Leah an email with an attachment and a quick tagline, "We need to discuss this." The attachment was a collection of court and orphanage documents that had information on the children. He had meant for it to be an understated message in order to enhance the surprise and joy. It was so understated, in fact, that Leah totally ignored the message in her inbox. In her defense she was teaching a workshop in Denver that day, and so she only glanced through her messages briefly when she had a few minutes between sessions.
I had to call Radu for something that day, and he asked me if Leah and I had talked about the email. When I asked him what he was talking about, he gave some cryptic answer about needing to talk after we read the email. At that point I was pretty sure I knew what was going on, but I didn't have the email myself. I was flustered enough that I didn't even think to ask Radu to forward the email to me at work. I was almost done at the office, so I made a beeline home where I had access to check Leah's email. Sure enough, there was the information on the two future Simpsons. I was laughing and crying at the same time, and I was DYING that Leah was 2000 miles away. I'm a big fan of our cat and dog, but celebrating with them was a poor substitute. Plus, Atticus is a mean drunk.
The first pages were medical reports detailing the children's satisfactory physical, mental, and health conditions. The following pages were court records detailing how the children came to be placed in an orphanage. Their parents are married and working as house servants in Addis Ababa. They had to give up Marta and Abebe because they have no extended family, and they could not care for them alone.
Up until this point, I had been overjoyed at our good fortune of getting placed with twins (our highest preference) so quickly. But as I continued reading through the court records, I had a vivid image of an Ethiopian couple about the same age as Leah and me handing their children over into strange hands. I know how much Leah and I have desired a family, and the thought of being forced to give away something so true and dear after wanting it so much is unimaginable to me. I prayed to God in thanks for allowing us to be parents for these children, and at the same time asked Him for a world in which parents are not forced to give their children away because they can't afford them. I didn't fully realize until that minute that raising adopted children is not just a huge responsibility, but also an unbelievable honor. It's our job to raise Marta and Abebe into a woman and man that will make their parents proud.
I finally got in touch with Leah about 10:00 at night and told her she needed to check her email. She called me back in less than a minute. I'm pretty sure I've never heard anyone sound so happy in my life. I could hear her smile through the phone. She told me she fell onto the floor when she opened the attachment. Again, getting news like this is a bad time to be 2000 miles apart. We talked and laughed for a long time about how unbelievable this was. We didn't officially start our paperwork until December, and less than 3 months later we have a referral for twins.
At the time, we were waiting for our approval from Citizenship and Immigration Services, which we weren't supposed to get for another two months. I talked to Helene Nathanson, who is the president of an adoption agency in Charlotte, and she was an absolute angel. She took up our cause to some of her contacts in the government, and we received our papers this week. We'll send them to our international agency next week, and we've been told to expect that we'll travel to pick up the children in about three months. That means we could be parents by early summer. We'll keep you updated and post pics when we have them.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Sunday, February 3, 2008
First Update
OK--so we realize that a lot of our closest friends and family have lots of questions about what is going on in our household! So, we decided to jump into the world of blogging (in fact, to learn what a blog really is), which is supposed to help to keep everyone in the loop.
First off, we chose a name for the site--Adis Betasab--which we THINK means "new family" in Amharic, the primary language of Ethiopia (Considering it was still available, it may mean something entirely different, but we're going with it). Why new family? Why Amharic? Well, in case you haven't heard, we're in the process of adopting from two children from Ethiopia, thus starting a new family! How exciting. We think so.
Where to begin--let's explain the process and what's required. A better question would be what's not required, really. We have spent the last two months filling out paperwork, meeting with social workers, getting our fingers printed (twice), becoming friends with the notary, asking others to write us letters, and hoping we clear Department of Homeland Security checks! As our international adoption agency clarified for us, there are basically three major parts of the adoption paperwork preparation: 1. A homestudy, 2. Immigration clearance, and 3. Dossier papers. If you're like us, that didn't help to clear it up at all! I'll explain (this may be really boring):
1. A homestudy is done by a State licensed social worker who approves you as a family capable of adopting. They require not only multiple interviews with a social worker, but also a home visit to make sure that we are not living in squalor (good thing we cleaned the house) and lots of paperwork. The paperwork is stuff like a medical clearance, financial information, criminal clearance, referral letters from friends, etc.
2. Immigration clearance is done by the Department of Homeland Security. You have to request an appointment, they give you a date, and you go all the way to Charlotte to get fingerprinted. Mind you, Norfolk is less than an hour away, but it's in Virginia, so we can't go. Instead we are required to go six hours west to Charlotte--aaah, the beauty of bureaucracy.
3. Dossier papers is what is required by the Ethiopian government to adopt. The homestudy and immigration clearance become a part of the dossier, but there are 18 (for real) other things they need, too. Their paperwork is also medical clearances, financial information, and referral letters but they all are different from the ones for the homestudy! It's nuts. Plus, they need letters from our employers, from us, photos, birth certificates, marriage licenses...the list goes on. And everything has to be notarized and then the notaries have to be authenticated.
Makes you want to adopt, huh?
So here's a bit more personalization of the process for us:
We wanted to start adopting back in August, but because we were moving to North Carolina, it really didn't make any sense: the homestudy is done by your state, so if we moved before the adoption was complete we'd have to start over. So we waited until we got to North Carolina. We did, however, do lots of research as to what agencies to use--oh, you need two--one to do the international part and one to do the homestudy.
In late November (we moved here the week of Thanksgiving), we requested a fingerprinting appointment. They give you a date, and you can only tell them it doesn't work once. If it doesn't work twice, you automatically get denied and have to start over. Needless to say, with our travel schedules, we wondered how it was going to all play out. We also started the homestudy process. We met with our social worker a few times--many people say it is really educational, but we didn't really feel that way. She was super nice and encouraging, but not super enlightening. Regardless, we since have been approved, so it's all good!
December and January were spent collecting all the papers. I won't (continue) to bore you with more details, but I'll sum it up by saying there is red tape on top of red tape on top of red tape. You have to find the right department to give you the exact paperwork, pay for it by money order, fill it out perfectly, then get it notarized. You get the point. Also, we didn't have established relationships here in NC yet, so, for example, not only did we need a doctor's clearance, we needed to find a doctor. We're now at the point where ALL of our papers are collected and notarized (amazing), so we have to get it all authenticated. Another layer of red tape. We often remind ourselves that all the steps are to protect children, which makes it more bearable.
In mid-January, we received a letter with our immigration finger printing appointment--January 31st, which happened to be, literally, the ONLY day in the next 7 weeks that neither of us had something on our calendar! Thank you, Lord. The trip was actually fun--we drove to Charlotte, spent about an hour getting fingerprinted, and drove home. On the way back, we realized the Tar Heels had a home basketball game, so we went. What a blast.
We came back from Charlotte to find exciting things in our mailbox--the homestudy (which had been sent weeks prior and was MIA), my certificate of birth abroad (which we had requested from the State Department and been waiting for since October), and the State Criminal clearance letters! That was everything! Well, except for the DHS (Dept. Homeland Security) clearance.
Yesterday, we scanned and emailed ALL of our paperwork to our agency. The guy there is awesome. We'll wait to make sure it's all ok, and then send it to him!
So what's next? We wait. Once we're officially done with all the paperwork, we get the whole dossier authenticated (I'm not sure what that means yet, either) and wait for the DHS clearance. Once that comes, which they said would be between late February and late March, our dossier (what's required of the Ethiopian government) is complete. It then gets submitted to Ethiopia, and we wait for a referral (a referral is what they call the part where you are matched with your kids). How long do you wait, you ask (everyone does)? We don't know. Probably between 2 and 6 months--average right now is about 4. Then we find out who our kids are (yippee!), and we wait more...we wait for a court date to make it official, and then once it's official, we wait more...we wait to travel. Once referrals are given, you usually travel in about 6-10 weeks it seems. Mind you, all these wait times are totally a guess based on what we're hearing others are doing and what our agency says is happening.
All that to say that our best guess is that we'll be going to Ethiopia to bring home our children sometime between June and November, but it could be longer. Talk about a lesson in patience! It's like being pregnant, but not knowing your due date. Think about that--you know you will have two children soon, but no real idea of when. It's strange. Many people talk about how emotional doing the paperwork is because they know it's preparing for a family. Quite honestly, I find it totally administrative and disconnected to our Adis Betasab (new family). When I think about those wonderful children coming home, or sitting in an orphanage right now, I get emotional and excited, but not filling out a form.
I guess I've mentioned two children, but not details. We have requested siblings--either twin infants (up to a year, we think) or one infant and one toddler (up to 3, we think). We're not sure about sexes yet. We've asked for healthy children--although some people do adopt HIV+ kids, we're not going to do so. There are millions of orphans in Africa, and they all need loving homes. We're excited to be growing our family and very excited about meeting our children. We continue to pray (and would love your prayers, too) for happy, healthy children and for their and our preparation to become a family.
By the way, in the midst of all of this we moved to North Carolina (into a temporary rental), we found a house (we close on 2/13), we went to MD for Christmas, Leah did four days with Habitat for Humanity with our old chuch in WI, we went to Costa Rica (everyone tells us to do what you can before kids--ok!), found a church, had to replace a car, are getting ready to move across town in a few weeks, and, oh, both of us are establishing ourselves in our new markets for our respective businesses! I say that more as an update on the rest of our life than anything else--we've actually felt very calm and peaceful since moving to NC, and for that we're thankful. We don't expect nearly as much activity for the remainder of the year as we're getting more settled here in NC. We know that our energy will soon be focused on raising two children!
Thanks for reading. If you got this far, you really like us, or you're really interested in adoption. If you want to read more, we suggest the book There is No Me Without You by Melissa Fay Greene. It is wonderful book that gives lots of information about adoption, Ethiopia, the AIDS crisis, etc.
First off, we chose a name for the site--Adis Betasab--which we THINK means "new family" in Amharic, the primary language of Ethiopia (Considering it was still available, it may mean something entirely different, but we're going with it). Why new family? Why Amharic? Well, in case you haven't heard, we're in the process of adopting from two children from Ethiopia, thus starting a new family! How exciting. We think so.
Where to begin--let's explain the process and what's required. A better question would be what's not required, really. We have spent the last two months filling out paperwork, meeting with social workers, getting our fingers printed (twice), becoming friends with the notary, asking others to write us letters, and hoping we clear Department of Homeland Security checks! As our international adoption agency clarified for us, there are basically three major parts of the adoption paperwork preparation: 1. A homestudy, 2. Immigration clearance, and 3. Dossier papers. If you're like us, that didn't help to clear it up at all! I'll explain (this may be really boring):
1. A homestudy is done by a State licensed social worker who approves you as a family capable of adopting. They require not only multiple interviews with a social worker, but also a home visit to make sure that we are not living in squalor (good thing we cleaned the house) and lots of paperwork. The paperwork is stuff like a medical clearance, financial information, criminal clearance, referral letters from friends, etc.
2. Immigration clearance is done by the Department of Homeland Security. You have to request an appointment, they give you a date, and you go all the way to Charlotte to get fingerprinted. Mind you, Norfolk is less than an hour away, but it's in Virginia, so we can't go. Instead we are required to go six hours west to Charlotte--aaah, the beauty of bureaucracy.
3. Dossier papers is what is required by the Ethiopian government to adopt. The homestudy and immigration clearance become a part of the dossier, but there are 18 (for real) other things they need, too. Their paperwork is also medical clearances, financial information, and referral letters but they all are different from the ones for the homestudy! It's nuts. Plus, they need letters from our employers, from us, photos, birth certificates, marriage licenses...the list goes on. And everything has to be notarized and then the notaries have to be authenticated.
Makes you want to adopt, huh?
So here's a bit more personalization of the process for us:
We wanted to start adopting back in August, but because we were moving to North Carolina, it really didn't make any sense: the homestudy is done by your state, so if we moved before the adoption was complete we'd have to start over. So we waited until we got to North Carolina. We did, however, do lots of research as to what agencies to use--oh, you need two--one to do the international part and one to do the homestudy.
In late November (we moved here the week of Thanksgiving), we requested a fingerprinting appointment. They give you a date, and you can only tell them it doesn't work once. If it doesn't work twice, you automatically get denied and have to start over. Needless to say, with our travel schedules, we wondered how it was going to all play out. We also started the homestudy process. We met with our social worker a few times--many people say it is really educational, but we didn't really feel that way. She was super nice and encouraging, but not super enlightening. Regardless, we since have been approved, so it's all good!
December and January were spent collecting all the papers. I won't (continue) to bore you with more details, but I'll sum it up by saying there is red tape on top of red tape on top of red tape. You have to find the right department to give you the exact paperwork, pay for it by money order, fill it out perfectly, then get it notarized. You get the point. Also, we didn't have established relationships here in NC yet, so, for example, not only did we need a doctor's clearance, we needed to find a doctor. We're now at the point where ALL of our papers are collected and notarized (amazing), so we have to get it all authenticated. Another layer of red tape. We often remind ourselves that all the steps are to protect children, which makes it more bearable.
In mid-January, we received a letter with our immigration finger printing appointment--January 31st, which happened to be, literally, the ONLY day in the next 7 weeks that neither of us had something on our calendar! Thank you, Lord. The trip was actually fun--we drove to Charlotte, spent about an hour getting fingerprinted, and drove home. On the way back, we realized the Tar Heels had a home basketball game, so we went. What a blast.
We came back from Charlotte to find exciting things in our mailbox--the homestudy (which had been sent weeks prior and was MIA), my certificate of birth abroad (which we had requested from the State Department and been waiting for since October), and the State Criminal clearance letters! That was everything! Well, except for the DHS (Dept. Homeland Security) clearance.
Yesterday, we scanned and emailed ALL of our paperwork to our agency. The guy there is awesome. We'll wait to make sure it's all ok, and then send it to him!
So what's next? We wait. Once we're officially done with all the paperwork, we get the whole dossier authenticated (I'm not sure what that means yet, either) and wait for the DHS clearance. Once that comes, which they said would be between late February and late March, our dossier (what's required of the Ethiopian government) is complete. It then gets submitted to Ethiopia, and we wait for a referral (a referral is what they call the part where you are matched with your kids). How long do you wait, you ask (everyone does)? We don't know. Probably between 2 and 6 months--average right now is about 4. Then we find out who our kids are (yippee!), and we wait more...we wait for a court date to make it official, and then once it's official, we wait more...we wait to travel. Once referrals are given, you usually travel in about 6-10 weeks it seems. Mind you, all these wait times are totally a guess based on what we're hearing others are doing and what our agency says is happening.
All that to say that our best guess is that we'll be going to Ethiopia to bring home our children sometime between June and November, but it could be longer. Talk about a lesson in patience! It's like being pregnant, but not knowing your due date. Think about that--you know you will have two children soon, but no real idea of when. It's strange. Many people talk about how emotional doing the paperwork is because they know it's preparing for a family. Quite honestly, I find it totally administrative and disconnected to our Adis Betasab (new family). When I think about those wonderful children coming home, or sitting in an orphanage right now, I get emotional and excited, but not filling out a form.
I guess I've mentioned two children, but not details. We have requested siblings--either twin infants (up to a year, we think) or one infant and one toddler (up to 3, we think). We're not sure about sexes yet. We've asked for healthy children--although some people do adopt HIV+ kids, we're not going to do so. There are millions of orphans in Africa, and they all need loving homes. We're excited to be growing our family and very excited about meeting our children. We continue to pray (and would love your prayers, too) for happy, healthy children and for their and our preparation to become a family.
By the way, in the midst of all of this we moved to North Carolina (into a temporary rental), we found a house (we close on 2/13), we went to MD for Christmas, Leah did four days with Habitat for Humanity with our old chuch in WI, we went to Costa Rica (everyone tells us to do what you can before kids--ok!), found a church, had to replace a car, are getting ready to move across town in a few weeks, and, oh, both of us are establishing ourselves in our new markets for our respective businesses! I say that more as an update on the rest of our life than anything else--we've actually felt very calm and peaceful since moving to NC, and for that we're thankful. We don't expect nearly as much activity for the remainder of the year as we're getting more settled here in NC. We know that our energy will soon be focused on raising two children!
Thanks for reading. If you got this far, you really like us, or you're really interested in adoption. If you want to read more, we suggest the book There is No Me Without You by Melissa Fay Greene. It is wonderful book that gives lots of information about adoption, Ethiopia, the AIDS crisis, etc.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)