Adis Betasab: June 2008

Praise God from whom all blessings flow, Praise Him all creatures here below, Praise him above, ye heavenly host, Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. I think the doxology is appropriate as an ending to our big journey.

For those who are more about pictures than long, somewhat boring blog posts, see the slide show at the top left of the blog!

If any of you would like to donate money, toys, or clothes (particularly for kids six and up) to Toukoul Orphanage, please send it to me and Leah at 425-A McArthur Dr, Elizabeth City, NC 27909, and we will get it there.

Hello everybody! Thanks again for all of the warm wishes and prayers that y'all have been sending our way. I've been constantly amazed at how much people have taken a heartfelt interest in this adoption. I feel like David Archuleta, actually: "Wow! I mean, geez, you really like it? You really care? Aw geez, this is unbelievable!" So thank you again for all the support you've given.

The trip was kind of like going to Vegas - we were only gone for a week, but it felt like a month. I hadn't really thought much about the trip beforehand; I just kind of thought that we'd go, meet the kids, hang out with the kids, and come home after a week. If you had actually asked me what I thought things would be like, I would have realized that we would be busy during the whole time with what had to get done. But none of you asked me, so I went on in ignorance.

Before we even checked in for the flight, we met Brenda and Gary. They happened to be adopting two little six-year-old girls through the same agency that we used. As it turned out, we turned into one big family at the guesthouse where we all stayed in Adis. They have grown children of their own, and they adopted two boys from China a few years ago. We were so blessed to have them with us throughout the week; their fellowship, parenting advice, and babysitting were greatly appreciated.

Our flight over was uneventful, the more so because of the poor movie selection (Mad Money? Have they no decency?!) Random note: Ethiopian Airlines actually has a page on their website advertising that they have spare airplane parts for sale. That sure inspires confidence every time you hit a pocket of turbulence. Anyway, we were met at the airport by the lawyer who had represented us in the court proceedings there, as well as our driver for the week, Wendy. More about the lawyer later (cue foreboding music).

They took us straight to the orphanage to meet the twins. The whole thing was surreal. We had been waiting for this moment like a couple of ADHD kids waiting for Christmas morning, and now that it was here, we were both very serene. It wasn't too long before we saw two nurses carrying two familiar faces. It's a strange and wonderful thing to finally see and touch the children that you have only known through a photograph. First impressions: he has big old brown eyes that quietly soak in everything around him and a very sweet, reserved countenance. Her - just gorgeous. She had me at "WAH!"

One of the nurses handed Bennett to Leah, and he immediately grabbed her tight and put his head on her chest. I got Jada, and...well, let's just say that I wasn't what she was looking for. But she only cried for a few minutes and then settled down. The orphanage had a lounge area where new families can interact with each other, and we spent the next two hours holding them, looking at them, singing to them, laughing with them, thanking God for them. I guess this would be a good place to mention that we were very pleased and impressed with the conditions of the orphanage. There were probably around 200 children in the orphanage, and they all appeared to be very well taken care of. The ages ranged from infants up to about age 10. There is a paved yard for soccer, playground with an honest-to-goodness slide and merry-go-round, library, tv room, and clean living facilities. We looked in on the toddler playroom later in the week, and there were about thirty of the cutest little maniacs you've ever seen running amok. It was awesome. The caretakers were exceptional. It was very apparent that they loved and cared for the children under their keep.

Needless to say, it is heart-wrenching to meet bright, lively, good-looking boys and girls that have no parents. There was a group of boys playing soccer who came up pointing to me and saying, "My name is..." trying to get my name. Apparently, they don't have a good grasp on second person pronouns just yet. They told me their names and thought it was hilarious when I butchered the pronunciations. If anyone of you reading this is thinking about adopting a few elementary aged boys, Surofit and Waldesamat would sure like to talk to you. And I'll put in a good word on their behalf. The kids that just about sent me to my knees were the ones with severe disabilities. Their chances for adoption are slim, and they obviously have no one to care for them when they age out of the orphanage. Who will care for them?

When it was time for Jada and Bennett's lunch and nap, we handed them off to their nurses and went to drop off our things. We were advised to slowly integrate ourselves into Jada & Bennett's world, so for the first few days we would spend part of the day with them and then leave them with their nurses. I'm still not sure why we can't keep that system going forever.

The guesthouse that we stayed at was affiliated with the orphanage. That made things very easy, since the service at the guesthouse was tailored to folks who were always coming and going with their adopted children. I already mentioned our driver, Wendy, and there were around ten others who did everything from cooking to guarding the gate. Our main point of contact in the house was the head chef, also a Wendy. I cannot emphasize enough how great they all were. At one point I asked for a special favor, and driver Wendy told me, "This is like your house. Whatever you would do at home, please do here. Is no problem." The two Wendys stood out in particular, along with one of the female cooks who was always smiling and cooing over the children. The food was awesome - lots of soups, stews, and curries.

On Sunday, we brought Jada and Bennett home with us for the day. The highlight of the day was when my college roommate Damon came over for a visit. Damon, his wife Heidi, and their daughter Dasia, are living over that direction right now. Damon is teaching English, and Heidi works in public health. I hadn't seen him since their wedding, so we had a lot of catching up to do. We went for a walk in the neighborhood, and he took Dasia (aged 20 months) with us. There's not a whole lot of white faces (ferenj) in Adis, and even fewer ferenj babies with day-glow blond hair. Let me tell you, it was like we were walking down the street with Bono. She was up on Damon's shoulders, and whole busloads of Ethiopians would wave at her while she'd wave back and yell 'Hi!'. It's as close to famous as I've ever been.

Monday was our embassy day. Everything had been cleared by the Ethiopian government, so now all we had to do was get the American government to okay the adoption. We went with Brenda and Gary and all of our kids, and when we got there, some of us had forgotten our passports (I won't say who). Our lawyer went absolutely ballistic on us for being careless and irresponsible. Strike one on him. We got back to the guesthouse, and the lawyer had us sit down to fill out our paperwork that we would need at the embassy when we went back. I asked a question about how to fill out a certain part, and it was blatantly obvious that this man who is supposed to know the adoption process inside and out had never looked at the forms needed by the US government. Strike two on him. We get to the embassy, and the lawyer goes ballistic on Gary again when he finds out that he hadn't filled out all the paperwork that he needed to. Strike three on him. At this point, Leah tells him to shut his piehole (so to speak), and he just keeps yammering on about how we screwed things up. In my mind, I saw one of those big shepherd's hooks that yanked him out of the room while the rest of us cheered. He was a complete jerk. Then, after all this is said and done, he hints that he wants a tip for his services before we leave town. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Asphinctersayswhat? Exactly.

Once our paperwork was complete, we had to be interviewed by one of the embassy workers in charge of adoptions. He asked us to verify the information on our paperwork and proceeded to ask us some questions about Jada and Bennett's parents:

Him- "How many parents?", Us - "Two", Him - "Hmmmmmm...."

Him- "How many living?", Us- "Both", Him- "Hmmmmmmmmm...."

Him- "How many other children do the parents have?", Us- "None", Him- "Hmmmmmm..."

At this point, he starts talking to another embassy agent, and says things like "Do you have any problems with this? Do you have any other questions? What do you think?" By about the second question that he asked us, I realized that we were possibly going to get denied. I started praying...hard. After a few seconds, Leah pinched my leg...hard. I knew exactly what she was thinking. This was supposed to be a formality, and here it is they're maybe going to deny us? So many thoughts flooded my head that were all over the place:

"I barely know these kids - will it destroy me if they're taken from us?"

"God brought us this far with no difficulties, and there's no way He's letting it fall apart now."

"How can this hourly employee hold the power to confirm or deny us as a family?"

"I'm going to be sick"

"That &$##%$&&^&^$$ lawyer!"

"No"

"God, have mercy on us"

This whole process couldn't have taken more than two minutes, but it seemed like we were in front of that window for five hours. In the end, the embassy agent slowly said, "I guess it's alright." He explained his reasons for concern to us; most orphans come from single parent homes where there are multiple children. In this case, the fact that there were two parents with no other mouths to feed made it suspicious that they somehow profited by giving up Jada and Bennett. What satisfied him that it was probably on the up and up was that a sufficient amount of time had passed from when the children were put in the orphanage to when they were placed with us. As of this year, the US State Dept has barred adoptions from Guatemala and Vietnam because of child trafficking - parents having children solely to sell them, kidnappers selling their victims to orphanages, hospitals selling newborn infants whose parents can't pay their bills, etc. They are working to prevent other countries from going down that same road.

By that same token, our lawyer told us not to carry out a planned trip to meet the birth parents. They live in a small town about thirty minutes away from Adis. We had thought long and hard about if we should meet them, and I was of the strong opinion that we should. In the first place, I wanted to pay them homage for providing us with the shared treasure of these two children. Also, I wanted to learn stories about the family to relay to Jada and Bennett when they're older. Being adopted leaves a whole lot of question marks in a kid's life, and I wanted to find at least some answers to those questions for them. Apparently, the fear was that we would give money to the parents to help them out, and that would be construed as child trafficking. We never received a totally straight answer about why we shouldn't go, but we weren't about to jeopardize our situation by ignoring a directive (even if it was from a jackass).

So we didn't meet the parents, but we did take a trip to where Jada and Bennett were first given up for adoption. There is an orphanage in Ambo, about two hours away from Adis. It's the capital of Oromiya, which is the region where the kids were born. There is a brand new paved road all the way to Ambo, so the driving was smooth. The only things to interrupt us were the occasional herd of goats, donkeys, and cows in the road. The countryside was absolutely amazing. The landscape is very reminiscent of the foothills of the Rockies (except that there's nobody wearing Broncos gear). Everything is lush green, and there are traditional grass huts and acacia groves dotted here and there. It was the planting season, so there were a ton of subsistence farmers out plowing their fields. I woke up to how ignorant I am while on the drive. I assumed that in the year 2008 even the poorest farmer in the world would have a rusty metal plow. Not so. Every single farmer we saw was using wood plows to turn the earth.

The rest of the week was pretty uneventful. We went to market to shop for some gifts, got to see Damon and Heidi a little more, and of course, just got used to being parents. Part of getting used to being parents is the diapers. For my very first diaper change, Jada had the good grace to poop as I was changing the diaper. Thanks for that. We also had a few blowouts where the diaper couldn't contain the damage. I hope that my poop tolerance ratchets up a lot higher soon.

We flew out on Thursday night, and I had a tough drive to the airport. So many people had told us of their desire to get to America, and so many Ethiopians had repeated "Lucky children" over Jada and Bennett that it seemed wrong that I was getting on the airplane instead of them.

The plane ride was long, but the kids were pretty darn good. I thought I had a foolproof plan for getting Bennett to sleep through the night. I figured just because I don't like taking pills doesn't mean that my kid has to not like taking pills. I slipped him a small dose of Dramamine, and he was out quick. I thought I was a genius until thirty minutes later. At that point, whenever I shifted my weight, he would wake up and cry. It then turned into a Three Stooges farce where I'd have to stand up for him to go back to sleep, and then when I'd try to sit down he would wake up again. Long night. Especially since Jada was sleeping like an angel sans sleeping pills on Leah's lap.

When we got home, Leah's mom and dad greeted us at the airport along with five or six of her college and high school friends. It was really nice to have a welcoming reception for the kids. We had a surreal moment two hours into the trip home when we needed to stop to feed and change the kids. We stopped at a Wendy's for lunch, and I was just thinking how far removed these kids were from their culture in less than 24 hours. I mean, we had just taken them from the land of the Queen of Sheba and ancient civilizations to the Home of the Frosty. They didn't seem to mind much, though.

Now we've been home for a couple of days and things are going great. Jada and Bennett's personalities have really started to shine through. When we were in Adis, Bennett didn't smile much, and his nurse told us that he was a very serious baby. We were home 24 hours, and he was smiling and babbling like crazy. He just needed a family is all. He's also eating approximately the same amount as a quarterhorse. Jada is also doing great. She's smiling and babbling and trying to stand and having a good time all around. We are beyond blessed to have two wonderful kids, and we thank you all for the prayers and moral support you've given to help make it possible. We'll keep you updated on the major developments. Much love to all of you.